Swipe smart: tackling femicide risks in the age of online dating

Safety in dating, online and offline, is under intense scrutiny following the tragic incident involving Olorato Mongale, a 30-year-old Wits student.

The recent discovery of her body in a dumping area in Lombardy East, Johannesburg, has ignited urgent conversations surrounding the dangers faced by individuals seeking connections in the digital realm.

Reports detail that Mongale was reported missing on a Sunday afternoon after meeting a man for a first date - a decision that would turn fatal.

CCTV footage has emerged, depicting Mongale walking towards a white VW Polo, seemingly unaware of the danger that lay ahead.

After a missing persons alert was issued for her, her body was found the following day, brutally violated.

This shocking revelation not only devastated her family and friends but also once again raised the alarm about the grim reality of femicide, particularly within the context of online dating.

South Africa continues to grapple with high rates of violence against women, with the most recent findings from the South African Medical Research Council highlighting a staggering figure of 5.5 women killed by intimate partners per 100 000 between 2020 and 2021.

Globally, the statistics mirror this distressing trend, with a woman killed every 10 minutes by a partner or family member in 2023.

These figures are not merely numbers; they represent lives cut short, futures unfulfilled, and communities shattered.

As the nation mourns the loss of yet another promising young woman, a stark reality emerges: online dating carries inherent risks.

While technology has redefined how relationships are formed, it has also compromised safety, a poignant reminder that caution is paramount.

The spectrum of risks includes identity theft, scams, and, more disturbingly, the threat of physical violence and harassment.

Prioritising safety in online dating

Despite the potential risks, those navigating the world of online dating can take significant steps to protect themselves.

Here are some vital safety tips to consider when transitioning from the digital space to in-person meetings:

Don’t be in a rush

• Take the time to get to know your date before agreeing to meet.
• Engage in conversations that screen for any red flags or personal dealbreakers.
• A simple phone or video call can serve as an effective vetting tool.

Meet in public and stay in public

• For initial meetings, choose crowded, well-lit public spaces.
• Avoid private locations; your safety should always come first.
• If pressured to go somewhere private, do not hesitate to end the date.

Tell friends and family about your plans

• Inform someone close to you about your date's details, including time and location.
• Ensure your phone is charged and accessible.

Be in control of your transportation

1. Opt for your own transport to maintain freedom and flexibility.
2. Always have a backup plan, whether it's a ride-share app or a friend ready to pick you up.

Know your limits

• Be cognisant of how substances like alcohol might impair your judgement.
• If your date encourages you to drink more than you’re comfortable with, stand your ground.

Don’t leave drinks or personal items unattended

• Maintain awareness of your drink and belongings at all times.
• Many harmful substances used for illicit intentions are undetectable; therefore, only accept drinks from trusted sources.

If you feel uncomfortable, leave

• Trust your instincts - if a date feels wrong, it’s okay to leave early.
• Don’t hesitate to ask for help from staff if you’re in a situation that feels unsafe.
• Special considerations arise for LGBTQ+ individuals as well.

Navigating relationships and dating can be particularly perilous in countries where there may be laws targeting LGBTQ+ people.

Caution should be exercised when creating profiles on dating apps; utilising features that protect your identity until you’re in a safe environment is crucial.

The heart-wrenching case of Mongale is a clarion call to reassess our approaches to dating.

As women, and particularly students, immerse themselves in the pursuit of connections in an era increasingly defined by technology, emphasising safety cannot be overstated.

By adopting recommended precautions, individuals can create a safer dating landscape.

However, the urgent need for broader societal change to effectively combat femicide remains a pressing imperative.

Until then, the shadows cast by violence against women will continue to loom large.